Detection of an extraterrestrial technical civilisation on the extrasolar planet GJ 1132b

Abstract: We report the detection of whisky in the atmosphere of the extrasolar super-Earth planet GJ 1132b from transmission spectroscopic data. It is seen both in atmospheric absorption as well as in chromospheric emission, the latter probably due to the intense heating of the co-rotating planet's day-side surface. This detection cannot be explained using natural sources of alcohol, implying that there must be a technically advanced civilisation -- possibly originating from the neighboring habitable planet GJ 1132c -- that is engaged in massive distilling operations accompanied by high levels of industrial pollution. The reason for the necessarily vast scale of production is either to produce rocket fuel for an interplanetary economy or, more likely, for an unusually high level of personal consumption. The latter hypothesis suggests a novel explanation for the Fermi Paradox (the lack of indirect or direct contact with extraterrestrials): a technically versed civilisation would be incapable of achieving the higher technical levels necessary for the development of a detectable radio signature -- much less interstellar travel -- at the suggested rates of consumption.